ICICI - Hum hain na!!!

Phone banking is a wonderful thing that changed the way banks function in last 4-5 years in india. All normal transactions can be done by just a phone call. Be it making a draft, credit card payment, fund transfer and list goes on and on. I was very much impressed with this system and thought it to be flawless until one fine day (which was almost 10 months back, sometime in March-05) I decided to ask ICICI for my internet banking password of my credit card.

I was assured that my password would be delivered within 7 working days. But even after 20-30 days when I didn't receive it, I called them back and came to know that it has been returned because of "house locked". "But there was no indication (some kind of slip or token) from your courier company that they made any attempt to deliver my courier" I protested. "We don't know about that sir, this is what our system says" was the plain response. So I put another request and again same story. I could not understand how can a courier company so unprofessional that they don't even follow simple and standard procedure to put a slip to inform addressee that delivery attempt has been made and since house was locked contact at XYZ number. Next time when I put request I asked for the ph. no. of courier company and my courier number to cross check with the company. Now the surprise of the year was waiting for me there.

I asked about my courier status and I was told that courier has been returned to ICICI because addressee has left the place. This was a big shock for me to know that actually they have been posting my password to my Baroda residence, which I left in Dec-04. So it was not fault of courier service. There was some problem in the database system of ICICI that all the bills and irrelevant schemes etc I get at my current Mumbai address but whenever I ask for password it is posted to Baroda. It was Aug-05 and I just came to know about the actual problem. Now I thought it should be easy to inform them about the problem, get my address updated and get password at right address. But I was grossly mistaken. I was informed that my address has been updated long back and there is no way it could be posted to Baroda address. So I took one more chance and placed another request. But alas! It was again sent to Baroda. And then onward from Aug to Dec I placed at least 4 password requests with the assurance that this time I will definitely get it, but I am waiting for it till date.

It was 2006 now and I made a New Year resolution (my first New Year resolution ever. Thanks to ICICI) to get my password within this year. I called them right on 2nd Jan and after a lot of firing, put my year's first request. With the repeated confirmations I was assured that this time I would be getting it soon. After 2-3 days I called up courier service and as expected it was again sent to Baroda. Now this is the limit. How much patient one should have after 10 month wait? I called them right away and here is my conversation with ICICI phone banking officer:

PBO: (in his typical pseudo polite voice) hello, this is XYZ. How may I assist you?
Me: I have serious problem with your system. (And them I explained entire episode)
PBO: May I know when did you place last request?
Me: I put it on 2nd Jan and the request number is XYZ.
PBO: But sir, just 3 days back we registered your request. We need 7 working days to deliver password.
Me: I know that. I confirmed with your courier company Express IT and they informed me that post was sent to Baroda.
PBO: but we have 3-4 different companies to handle our courier. How can you be so sure that Express IT had your courier?
Me: (Trynig to act smart dude?) I received SMS from your bank on 4th Jan at 2:19 AM (look at the time. Do they want to impress customers how hard they are working for even a small request such as internet banking password?) SMS says that "Request No XYZ: Internet banking password for credit card no. &#@$ sent on 03-01-06 through Express IT courier vide airway bill number XXXXXXX".
PBO: That's fine but we need 7 working days to deliver post. Please wait for 3-4 more days it will be definitely delivered to you sir.
ME: (are these people suppose to keep away common sense while talking to customers?) But if it is posted to Baroda how will it delivered in Mumbai?
PBO: But our system is showing that it is posted to your Bombay address.
Me: That’s what I am trying to tell you that it is showing same thing since last many months but it is always sent to Baroda. There is some problem with your system. Please get it corrected.
PBO: No sir, your latest address is the only address with us and this is not possible.
Me: (O God! give me patience) what do you think I am lying or your courier company people are fools?
PBO: I cannot confirm that. I request to wait for few more days. You will get it.
Me: (Please stop me. I am going to jump out of window from 2nd floor) Okay do one thing just call your courier company right now and confirm what I am saying.
PBO: Sorry sir, that's not possible. We are not allowed to call outside from call center.
Me: Then what am I suppose to do? Give me some solution.
PBO: I already have given you the solution. Please wait for few more days.
Me: (O man! learn to look and think beyond that stupid screen in front of you. Your system is not the ultimate truth of the universe.) But it’s not addressed to me then what’s the use of waiting?
PBO: Please sir, I think you are wasting your and my time now.
Me: (God help the company who have such persons to cater the need of customers) OK, how can I cancel the card?
PBO: Please wait I will connect you to concerned person.
Me: thank you. (And thank God too. At least he does not have any problem with this)

After some time-
PBO2: (another pseudo-polite voice) Mr. Sapre, I learnt that you want to cancel your card. May I know the reason?
Me: (God! if you exist give me patience to explain whole thing again)
And then I repeat entire thing again.
And then he repeats almost the same things said by PBO.
PBO2: Please wait for 3-4 days sir. It will definitely get delivered.
Me: (so he believes in nothing is impossible) OK. What if it does not? (I am out of patience and energy to argue with database readers)
PBO2: It will sir. Our system says so. No need to worry.
Me: If it does (get delivered) I am happy. But what if it doesn't.
PBO2: then you can cancel your credit card, as you want it now.
Me: OK.

I disconnected the phone and then......... don’t remember what I did then.
After this amusing conversation I had to take a small nap to come back to real world.

If you know somebody from ICICI please forward this link to him. I hope some day almighty (read ICICI) will pity me and I will get my password. Till then I will keep trying "Hum hain na";)